hey by the way...
i just went for a coffee and made a stop at Wal-mart to try and find the Across the Universe soundtrack (a miserable failure, but a girl can hope can't she!) ...
but i was tided over when i accidentally came across The Alchemy Index and Act II of Neverending White Lights.
i came across Act I of NWL two Octobers ago when elsa, lissy, and i stopped in at an HMV after imagining an entire storyline that coincided eerily with the track listing / concept of the mysterious album which we immediately asked the HMV girl to crack open and let us listen to. i was equally, if not more, interested in the liner notes as the album itself, and i find myself in a similar state with Act II (i am limited to lyrics and liner notes until 5pm as my stereo at the shop doesn't work).
all this to tell you:
daniel victor is an interesting chap, and you should buy these albums, because even if you disagree with me over the storyline/character/artistic journey aspect of the whole thing, i found Act I (and expect to find Act II) to be a deliciously haunting and soothing soundtrack to winter sleeps and night drives.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Delusions of Grandeur - Chapter I
Once upon a time...
there was a girl of seventeen.
She was somewhere in between her actual culture and that borderline incestuous subculture that is the "youth group." She was part of a family that was meticulously attendant to every single thing that ever happened. The kind of folks who plan trips to the city around weeksworth of weather forecasts and leave each other notes even when they're just running an errand. (Her parents were both middle children--the ones who "have to have it all together" because their older siblings are a little relationally preoccupied and their younger siblings are a little materially preoccupied.)
She'd had braces. She wanted to be an orthodontist.
She'd "found Jesus" after years of simply attending church with the family. She had a funny experience that she interpreted as a call to youth ministry.
She went to bible college.
She had new visions (that were enthusiastically incubated by those around her in this entirely fictitious scenario, naturally) of herself neatly and successfully completing a four year program and graduating and finding a job that matched all the little classes she took and things she learned, where she could put to good use all those textbooks full of crazy youth night ideas and poster-making skills. She even had visions of maybe someday becoming a professor at such a college, and who knows, maybe even the new Marv Penner.
Meanwhile, the real Marv Penner took a shine to the curious young lady with the black hair and boy-friends in tight pants who liked to hang out with folks from the "actual world" and sneak "non-Christian" music onto their campus radio show. She developed a rash that became more and more irritated every time he or someone in this funny place reacted to their "unusual" lives, not understanding why it was a big deal. She kept taking classes (each reminding her of the last) and making posters (each reminding her of the past) until none of it seemed all that relevant in the end. People started noticing the robotic skills she'd honed--these were attractive assets in some parallel universe she was unwittingly (or maybe initially intentionally) being initiated into.
She felt it was time to go.
She stayed.
And this is where the real story begins.
there was a girl of seventeen.
She was somewhere in between her actual culture and that borderline incestuous subculture that is the "youth group." She was part of a family that was meticulously attendant to every single thing that ever happened. The kind of folks who plan trips to the city around weeksworth of weather forecasts and leave each other notes even when they're just running an errand. (Her parents were both middle children--the ones who "have to have it all together" because their older siblings are a little relationally preoccupied and their younger siblings are a little materially preoccupied.)
She'd had braces. She wanted to be an orthodontist.
She'd "found Jesus" after years of simply attending church with the family. She had a funny experience that she interpreted as a call to youth ministry.
She went to bible college.
She had new visions (that were enthusiastically incubated by those around her in this entirely fictitious scenario, naturally) of herself neatly and successfully completing a four year program and graduating and finding a job that matched all the little classes she took and things she learned, where she could put to good use all those textbooks full of crazy youth night ideas and poster-making skills. She even had visions of maybe someday becoming a professor at such a college, and who knows, maybe even the new Marv Penner.
Meanwhile, the real Marv Penner took a shine to the curious young lady with the black hair and boy-friends in tight pants who liked to hang out with folks from the "actual world" and sneak "non-Christian" music onto their campus radio show. She developed a rash that became more and more irritated every time he or someone in this funny place reacted to their "unusual" lives, not understanding why it was a big deal. She kept taking classes (each reminding her of the last) and making posters (each reminding her of the past) until none of it seemed all that relevant in the end. People started noticing the robotic skills she'd honed--these were attractive assets in some parallel universe she was unwittingly (or maybe initially intentionally) being initiated into.
She felt it was time to go.
She stayed.
And this is where the real story begins.
Monday, October 29, 2007
solitude and nothing happening
life is kind of getting me down, friends.
between being too busy, taking on too much responsibility, and planning a trip to new york (conveniently placed in the middle of "paper season) I'm feeling really disconnected. life is becoming less centered on sharing life with friends and finding solitude, and more on the next paper i have due next week. my past week has been a lot of confusion and feeling lost, and a lot of wondering.
I took a silent retreat for the weekend at a place called the Mark Center, which was good- many hours of reflecting, and feeling like myself. now i'm just desperately trying to find more of that, in an everyday sense.
So, to put it simply, i need solitude. I need solitude, time alone, to unpack life and to figure out who i am. i think that looks a lot like falling asleep with content, or sitting back with a cup of coffee writing to a loved one. and it feels like a warm blanket, keeping us safe, reminding us that we are cared for. or something like that.
and its not a fake personality blanket, something i wear to give myself a false sense of security. its the other kind of blanket. the good kind. add that to the list of "things we should talk about around a campfire". or else, add it to the list of "reasons why we should drive to oregon". we'll see.
question of the day: where do i find solitude?
music of the day: ben kweller
man of the year: jamison dick
between being too busy, taking on too much responsibility, and planning a trip to new york (conveniently placed in the middle of "paper season) I'm feeling really disconnected. life is becoming less centered on sharing life with friends and finding solitude, and more on the next paper i have due next week. my past week has been a lot of confusion and feeling lost, and a lot of wondering.
I took a silent retreat for the weekend at a place called the Mark Center, which was good- many hours of reflecting, and feeling like myself. now i'm just desperately trying to find more of that, in an everyday sense.
So, to put it simply, i need solitude. I need solitude, time alone, to unpack life and to figure out who i am. i think that looks a lot like falling asleep with content, or sitting back with a cup of coffee writing to a loved one. and it feels like a warm blanket, keeping us safe, reminding us that we are cared for. or something like that.
and its not a fake personality blanket, something i wear to give myself a false sense of security. its the other kind of blanket. the good kind. add that to the list of "things we should talk about around a campfire". or else, add it to the list of "reasons why we should drive to oregon". we'll see.
question of the day: where do i find solitude?
music of the day: ben kweller
man of the year: jamison dick
Sunday, October 21, 2007
1 . 2 . 3
My dear friend (and our devoted subscriber) Nancy has recently departed on a pilgrimage...we had initially planned to go together, but with moving plans it was not the right "time" for me...so she up and went alone! She's just pretty great like that. Perhaps I can have my own pilgrimage after a time.
She's set out to collect some insight, and so far has found a few gems and characters along the way. In one of her recent posts--naturally, she is blogging--she shared some profound sentiments. She spoke of the "extremes" that have arisen within our culture, the mega-churchies and the simple-servants, and the dangers both face in clinging too closely to only one or two parts of the three-part greatest commandment. Essentially, we are all forgetting to love God first.
I wanted to share some of Nanc's words, and to encourage you to check out the rest of her blog (specifically the one I'm quoting from, and generally the whole Pilgrimage section if you wish)...
So I’m starting to have a bit of a better picture of what I’m looking for in this pilgrimage… it seems like I need to help find the happy medium between throwing the baby out with the bathwater and drowning the baby in the bathwater of the church. I was walking along yesterday kind of making up a song prayer to God and I was saying, “I’m prepared to go between where we’ve been and what we need. Tell me Lord, tell me please, what you want and what you need.”
-- Nancy's Pilgrimage
She's set out to collect some insight, and so far has found a few gems and characters along the way. In one of her recent posts--naturally, she is blogging--she shared some profound sentiments. She spoke of the "extremes" that have arisen within our culture, the mega-churchies and the simple-servants, and the dangers both face in clinging too closely to only one or two parts of the three-part greatest commandment. Essentially, we are all forgetting to love God first.
I wanted to share some of Nanc's words, and to encourage you to check out the rest of her blog (specifically the one I'm quoting from, and generally the whole Pilgrimage section if you wish)...
So I’m starting to have a bit of a better picture of what I’m looking for in this pilgrimage… it seems like I need to help find the happy medium between throwing the baby out with the bathwater and drowning the baby in the bathwater of the church. I was walking along yesterday kind of making up a song prayer to God and I was saying, “I’m prepared to go between where we’ve been and what we need. Tell me Lord, tell me please, what you want and what you need.”
-- Nancy's Pilgrimage
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
we don't see each other enough
hm. no one has posted for awhile. and my last post was embarrassingly bad. so i'm going to break the silence.
I wrote this for a friend who spent a weekend in the downtown eastside. Its about me staying at home missing said friend, and wishing and waiting for said friend to come home.
Jamison was there too. who i missed just as much. ;)
vancouver
there was tea waiting this whole time,
sitting on my kitchen counter beside the sink,
all the while i was watching the world unfold
and praying for you, come home.
there was some music playing in the background,
sitting on my coffee table beside the door,
all the while I was outside watching the rain
and hoping one sound would be your voice, come home.
there was
sitting beside both of our hometowns,
all the while i was waiting for an answer.
and praying for you, come back home.
Friday, October 5, 2007
write a love song about rainstorms
i think we should all go for a walk in the rain. once shaina gets here. being that we live in BC, we won't have to wait too long for that.
PS- i don't sound like a weird radio announcer/ televangelist/ "insincere co-worker that no-one likes" do I? thats embarrassing.
we are going to, officially, spend the first hour or so of the walk making fun of each other... then the next just making fun of shaina for going to briercrest.
I like this idea. and rain. I like rain.
PS- i don't sound like a weird radio announcer/ televangelist/ "insincere co-worker that no-one likes" do I? thats embarrassing.
we are going to, officially, spend the first hour or so of the walk making fun of each other... then the next just making fun of shaina for going to briercrest.
I like this idea. and rain. I like rain.
a glimpse into the life...
It was a grey day.
Rainy without the rain.
Inside felt like catacombes
and outside felt like dusk in a scary movie.
Don't worry--this is not going to be that bad! After all...
I just got back from marrying my best friend!
That's right. Jen is married, and I got to be the last one to stand between her and Jordan before they morphed into One. What an amazing feeling! If you're not familiar with the situation, you may be wondering what the heck I thought I was doing up there--well, Jen was dead set on me being the "minister" at her wedding, and she found a way to make it happen--so...there we were!
Do you find that cold weather makes you more aware of your individual status? Like, as in, aloneness?
I'm the kind of person who treasures my alone-time, but I'm also the kind of person who gets cold reeeal easy. So when it is bone-chillingly cold (just imagine how sad I am come January if I'm calling October 5th bone-chilling), I can't help but think I could really use another person around if only for their body heat. (Is that entirely creepy? hahah. Watch yourself--I'm out for blood!)
Weddings (especially the kind you are personally creating the ceremony for) tend to get you thinking about the relational element of life. We wound the theme of covenant through the Friesen union (again--if you're not familiar with the situation, they already had the same last name. Hilarious huh! Don't worry--they weren't related. We checked.) It was exciting, because they were manifesting and reflecting God's image in such a potent way, taking part in something so ancient and everlasting and magical as a covenant...maybe it sounds generic...but it was powerful to be the one mediating that (as opposed to daydreaming while some boring minister no one knows goes on and on about marriage advice or something dopey).
So I guess this all has just got me considering the deeply intimate and relational nature of God. I've never been a terribly intimate person, so that is a difficult one for me to immerse myself in. Today I've been going back through a bunch of bits in Donald Miller's Searching For God Knows What that I marked when I read it in August. I've encountered a lot of various "interpretations" of the gospel message in my days, but his is probably my favorite.
You are the bride to the Bridegroom, and the Bridegroom is Jesus Christ. You must eat of His flesh and drink of His blood to know Him, and your union with Him will make you one, and your oneness with Him will allow you to be identified with Him, His purity allowing God to interact with you, and because of this you will be with Him in eternity, sitting at His side and enjoying His companionship, which will be more fulfilling than an earthly husband or an earthly bride. All you must do to engage God is be willing to leave everything behind, be willing to walk away from your identity, and embrace joyfully the trials and tribulations, the torture and perhaps martyrdom that will come upon you for being a child of God in a broken world working out its own redemption in empty pursuits.
It's so crazy/great/amazing/mind-blowing/challenging/evvvverything...because...we're being called to the greatest intimacy and the greatest relationship we can ever know...at the same time we're being called to be the most "alone" we could possibly be.
I don't know that I want to say anything more about it right now.
But it's bone-chillingly exciting, isn't it??
Rainy without the rain.
Inside felt like catacombes
and outside felt like dusk in a scary movie.
Don't worry--this is not going to be that bad! After all...
I just got back from marrying my best friend!
That's right. Jen is married, and I got to be the last one to stand between her and Jordan before they morphed into One. What an amazing feeling! If you're not familiar with the situation, you may be wondering what the heck I thought I was doing up there--well, Jen was dead set on me being the "minister" at her wedding, and she found a way to make it happen--so...there we were!
Do you find that cold weather makes you more aware of your individual status? Like, as in, aloneness?
I'm the kind of person who treasures my alone-time, but I'm also the kind of person who gets cold reeeal easy. So when it is bone-chillingly cold (just imagine how sad I am come January if I'm calling October 5th bone-chilling), I can't help but think I could really use another person around if only for their body heat. (Is that entirely creepy? hahah. Watch yourself--I'm out for blood!)
Weddings (especially the kind you are personally creating the ceremony for) tend to get you thinking about the relational element of life. We wound the theme of covenant through the Friesen union (again--if you're not familiar with the situation, they already had the same last name. Hilarious huh! Don't worry--they weren't related. We checked.) It was exciting, because they were manifesting and reflecting God's image in such a potent way, taking part in something so ancient and everlasting and magical as a covenant...maybe it sounds generic...but it was powerful to be the one mediating that (as opposed to daydreaming while some boring minister no one knows goes on and on about marriage advice or something dopey).
So I guess this all has just got me considering the deeply intimate and relational nature of God. I've never been a terribly intimate person, so that is a difficult one for me to immerse myself in. Today I've been going back through a bunch of bits in Donald Miller's Searching For God Knows What that I marked when I read it in August. I've encountered a lot of various "interpretations" of the gospel message in my days, but his is probably my favorite.
You are the bride to the Bridegroom, and the Bridegroom is Jesus Christ. You must eat of His flesh and drink of His blood to know Him, and your union with Him will make you one, and your oneness with Him will allow you to be identified with Him, His purity allowing God to interact with you, and because of this you will be with Him in eternity, sitting at His side and enjoying His companionship, which will be more fulfilling than an earthly husband or an earthly bride. All you must do to engage God is be willing to leave everything behind, be willing to walk away from your identity, and embrace joyfully the trials and tribulations, the torture and perhaps martyrdom that will come upon you for being a child of God in a broken world working out its own redemption in empty pursuits.
It's so crazy/great/amazing/mind-blowing/challenging/evvvverything...because...we're being called to the greatest intimacy and the greatest relationship we can ever know...at the same time we're being called to be the most "alone" we could possibly be.
I don't know that I want to say anything more about it right now.
But it's bone-chillingly exciting, isn't it??
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